


HumanLove

by Featherine_Aurora



Series: Lesbian Protagonist Tales [5]
Category: SSSS.Gridman (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Character Development, Depression, Developing Relationship, F/F, Female Protagonist, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Lesbian Character, POV Lesbian Character, Personal Growth, Post-Canon, Relationship(s), Romance, Self-Acceptance, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Yuri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-06-03 21:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19472635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Featherine_Aurora/pseuds/Featherine_Aurora
Summary: Akane Shinjou has a lot to do, now that she has decided to live in the real world and make more of her life in it. She is determined to change and to grow, but there are many challenges ahead of her. There is also the matter of her feelings towards another girl, Rikka Takarada. Will the loving bond Akane wants with her be possible?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Right, this is an attempt by me to try to start writing for a series I like. Ah, this is always nerve-racking for me, my first attempt at writing fics for a series I’ve never written fics for before. I’m always worried about not getting things right. Well, I’ve done my best to create something I hope all of you reading this will enjoy.

_Another day of school. It’s been so long since I’ve gone there, but it still feels tiring to even think of another day of it._

Until recently, she had been the God of a world, a digital one she had hid in as she retreated from the real world and fell deeper into her depression. Now, she was again going to live in reality as just a high school student and an ordinary teenage girl.

_But that’s okay. This is the world that I need to live in._

That was the one thing Akane Shinjou was sure of.

She had suddenly agreed to return to school, an act that such a sudden change that it had shocked her parents. Apart from that sudden drive, she was exactly the same. So, it likely seemed very suspicious. Akane did not feel like she had gotten better, apart from the drive she had left the digital world with, and her parents likely could see that. They had clearly feared it was a hasty decision and that she might have had some ulterior motive. It had taken a lot of effort to convince them that this was actually a legitimate change for the better.

Akane felt very self-conscious, especially at school. A part of her was inclined to act as she had in the world she had created. But that was a world that had been made to centre around her. Even when she acted oddly, most of the people there were inclined to accept what she did without feeling anger or disgust or other negative feelings towards her.

It was amazing how much freedom there was in knowing that in the digital world. It was also amazing how much harder even the simplest things became so much harder when she was in reality, where that was was no longer the case. That included simply talking to the Rikka that existed in reality again. The two had been childhood friends and had kept in touch for a bit when they started high school. But, it felt like it had been so long since they had even simply talked to each other or seen each other.

Rikka Takarada was obviously shocked when Akane appeared again in homeroom class. But Akane was not initially ready to talk with her. She still felt awkward and unsure of herself. The time since they had last talked made her nervous.

_I don’t know what to say to her. It’s been so long. How do you even handle something like saying hello to another person when you suddenly disappeared from their life?_

So, she sat on her own as she had done in the past. But, as she did this, she knew this was the wrong choice.

_I need to talk to Rikka and I need to do it while I can. I have to keep moving forward._

Akane kept thinking such thoughts to herself. She would not let herself slowly give up on everything again. Instead, she forced herself to get out of her seat. She still had a bit of time before the teacher came.

_I’m going to talk to her now. I need to do it now._

With this forced determination, Akane managed to walk up to her and quickly force out a couple of words. “Hi, Rikka”

The other girl was shocked to have Akane talk to her. Then Akane suddenly found herself embraced in a hug. Rikka’s friends seemed oddly happy as they watched this.

_Why would they care about me? I know some of them thought I was weird. But now they’re acting like they’re happy to see this, Rikka hugging me of all things._

“Akane, you’re okay? Thank god”.

Akane was pulled away from her thoughts by Rikka’s words.

“Yes, I’m okay. Sorry for making you worry”.

“You don’t need to apologize”.

Rikka then told her about how things had been for her since Akane had left. Before that had happened, she had been very worried about Akane. She had disappeared suddenly from school and had been gone for a while. Before she had left, she had seemed really worn out and nervous. At times, she almost seemed lifeless and Rikka had been wondering if she was sleeping enough. When she did disappear and stopped even responding to messages, Rikka was frightened that she had gotten worse and that something might have happened to her.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t do more. You clearly needed help, but I didn’t do anything. I just didn’t know what I could do”.

Rikka had wanted to help her, but Akane had withdrawn from everyone so much that Rikka couldn’t get a chance to talk to her. The amount of guilt Rikka had felt, enough that even her friends were clearly affected by what she had been going through, made Akane herself feel very guilty.

“I wasn’t paying that much attention to anyone then. There probably wasn’t much you could have done”.

“Maybe, but I’m sure I could have done more”. Rikka then held Akane’s hands. “No matter what, I’m your friend. I’m going to do what I can to help you. So, please, promise me you won’t disappear like that again. At least, please talk to me or someone”.

Her friend’s request, expressed with resolve and obvious care, made Akane feel more determined to try harder. She had hurt Rikka, if only unintentionally. Akane didn’t want to do that again. With a firmness that surprised herself a bit, Akane said “I will. I definitely will. I’ll never let that happen again”.

_I’ll never give up on the real world. I’ll never give up on you._

That was it, the first step. She wouldn’t let go of this connection again.

* * *

  
Akane had talked less and less with Rikka since starting high school. Akane had been increasingly suffering from depression and had disconnected more and more from others. But part of her increasing distance was due to puberty and a specific part of it. She discovered she was attracted to other girls. Then, as more and more odd little moments happened, Akane came to another conclusion. It was one she reached as she had looked at Rikka one afternoon and her mind was abuzz with strange and odd feelings.

_I’m attracted to her._

Akane was already struggling with other issues. One of those was her still trying to adjust to being attracted to girls. To then become attracted to Rikka of all people? It just made her feel worse and made it harder to remain connected to Rikka.

_I’m sexually attracted to another girl and it’s my best friend. What do I do about this?_

Right up to her escape into the digital world, Akane didn’t have an answer. When she entered it, she had yet to even fully come to terms with her attraction to those of the same gender as her. It ended up being Alexis of all people who was the first to tell her such feelings were okay. It was something he noticed while she was making the digital version of Rikka. She was talking to him about the real one and various things she liked about Rikka, while trying to navigate the weird area of modelling a digital person off a person she was attracted to.

Eventually, Alexis remarked “It sounds like you have quite a crush on her”.

Akane glanced up from her tablet, her face red. “Eh? Don’t say something so weird”.

Alexis laughed. “There’s nothing wrong with feeling that way towards another girl, Akane. It is hardly unnatural”.

“Oh”. Akane put her tablet down and leant back on her chair, glancing up at the ceiling. After a moment, she looked back at Alexis. “Really?”

“Yes. The idea that your feelings are not normal or are weird, as you put it, seems quite absurd to me”.

The amused tone of Alexis’s voice made Akane feel feely silly. He clearly regarded the idea she was concerned about as so ridiculous that she started laughing at it herself.

“That’s better. I am happy when you’re happy, Akane”.

“Hmm”. Akane shifted her seating position and looked around her at the clutter, trying to find her drink. As she picked it up, she asked “Do you think another girl could like someone like me? You know, in that way?”

“I don’t see why not. In fact, I’m sure such feelings can be reciprocated. You are a wonderful person with many talents”.

She had needed to have a conversation like that with someone. She would have been a lot better off hearing them from someone other than Alexis. He had also been the sort of person who followed up such words by telling her that everything was okay as long as she was happy and continued to make more things for the digital world. That included kaiju to help shape it.

_I definitely won’t be sharing that with others. Plenty of people think I’m weird enough without me talking about how a villain in a digital world helped me to accept being a lesbian._

But the words from Alexis in themself had been good to hear, even if Rikka had ended up opposing her thanks to Gridman and her own actions. In the end, she wasn’t able to explore her feeling towards Rikka fully. But she understood her own feelings better now. She also had another world to live in, one separate from that Rikka. There were things in that world, the real world, that she was determined to do.

I’m going to try and reconnect with my friend, the one who exists in reality. I’m going to express my feelings to her. I need to try these things here, even I might fail. No matter what, I need to try.

Akane kept repeating such thoughts in her head in an effort by to boost her own confidence. She wouldn’t let her resolve falter. She knew how easily that could happen and she would do everything she could to avoid that.

At the start of lunch time, she sent Rikka a text message, asking to meet her alone for lunch. She had a lot to to say to the other girl. Part of her wanted to confess her feelings. All she knew was that she need to talk to the other girl and try her best to reconnect, to share what was bubbling inside her with Rikka. There was a good chance Rikka might be confused by her feelings or unable to reciprocate them. She might be unwilling to or even be repulsed by them. Her mind was aware of all the ways this could go wrong.

_That’s why I need to act now. My drive to act feels so frail, like anything could break it. It feels like even getting through school makes me feel less able to move forward. I need to make use of what the Rikka of the digital world gave me and not let it go to waste._

For the sake of the Rikka who had been willing to believe she was a good person even after all she had done in that world, Akane could not let that happen. The spot she had chosen was one they had used initially to meet lots of times when they had started high school, before Akane had withdrawn inwards emotionally. She met Rikka there less and less as her mental state worsened. Eventually, she just completely stopped seeing Rikka.

Now, they would be meeting like that once again. Hopefully. Akane looked at her phone.

_Yes, she responded._

Akane then nervously checked what the response was. She then let out a sigh of relief.

_She agreed. I hope I haven’t made her abandon plans with her friends. But I need this._

So, she made her way to to the place she had asked Rikka to meet her at. There was a part of her that feared Rikka wouldn't be there. Why would she agree to spend lunchtime with Akane? She had friends, good friends. Friends who weren’t weird like Akane was and who could talk about normal things. Friends who didn’t drag down the mood of others with their issues.

_I don’t know why she’d chose to hang out with me. But she did say she would._

Yet part of Akane’s mind would not stop bringing up her doubts. Fortunately, when Akane got to their meeting place, Rikka was there, just as she said she would be. Of course she was.

_I was just being stupid, doubting her like that._

“Hey, Akane”.

Akane quietly returned the greeting. “Hi Rikka”.

“Are you alright?”. Rikka

Akane nodded.

The two took out their lunches. Akane had been never been the sort to make amazing lunches herself. In fact, her bento box had been prepared by her mum. On the other hand, Akane recalled that Rikka made her own bento boxes. Her lunch looked as good as Akane remembered.

“I’m not letting you eat my lunch again, Akane”.

“Eh?”. Oh, she did do that once. Akane had asked to try some of Rikka’s lunch because it looked so good. She ended up eating far more of it than she should have. That had upset Rikka and left her feeling hungry for the rest of the day. “No, I wouldn’t do that again”.

“You have your own lunch. Plus, you should really eat healthier”.

Before Akane had stopped talking to Rikka, that was something Rikka had said to her often. Akane had been eating irregularly and would eat all sorts of junk. At the time, she didn’t care to try. Now though, she tried to give as reassuring a smile as she could. “Yes, I’m trying to do that now”. She gestured at her own open bento box. “My mum is helping me with that”. The box was a very healthy and nutritious selection of items.

Rikka initially let her eat in silence. While she surely knew Akane wanted to talk to her, she thankfully wasn’t going to rush her. After a while though, Rikka did decide to make the first move.

“What did you think of The Great Kaiju War? I decided to check out this show myself. I don’t normally watch stuff like it, but I do like talking about it with you”.

“I.. I haven’t watched it”.

It had aired while she was fully immersed into the digital world.

“Really?”

“Yes”. Knowing that Rikka had gone to the effort of watching it, only for it not to help due to her efforts at escapism, made a heavy feeling suddenly hit Akane. Rikka has wasted that time because of me.

As Akane again started to struggle with her thoughts, Rikka asked another question. “So… um, what have you been doing recently?”

“I was… playing video games”

What Akane had actually done was so weird that she wasn’t even going to try and explain it. Video games was the closest thing she could say that made sense.

“We can still talk about The Great Kaiju Wars. I might not have watched it, but I’m sure I can probably still talk about it”.

“Sure. I’m still getting used to this genre, so I’m probably going to make some mistakes in explaining it”. Rikka looked uncertain, so Akane tried to reassure her.

“That’s fine. I can look up anything I don’t understand later. Plus… I like talking with you about Kaiju too”.

“Ah, umm… okay”. Rikka then started to talk about the show, the plot so far, and the monsters that had appeared. She glanced at her phone multiple times and Akane saw she had made extensive notes on the show. Rikka had not known when or if she was going to see Akane again. Regardless of that, she had still prepared for potentially talking about this show with her, just in case.

_I don’t know how someone like me ended up with a friend like you._

“You’re amazing”.

“Not really. I really do like talking about shows like this with you”.

A smile spread across Akane’s face, just as the warmth of her happiness flooded her chest. This was wonderful, so wonderful that she felt like trying to say it to Rikka. To say what her feelings were.

“There’s something really important I need to say to you”.

“Okay. I’m listening”.

Akane glared at her own shoes. Just looking at the other girl made the worlds she wanted to say feel too overwhelming.

“Are you okay, Akane?”

“Yes. I just need a moment”.

“Oh. Okay”. Rikka then sat there quietly, giving Akane time to do whatever she needed to do. That was to continue to glare at her own shoes and try to tune out the sheer enormity of what she was about to say. Looking at Rikka was too Much. But, as she stared at her own feet, she managed to force herself to quickly say three words.

“I love you”.

She’d said it. Well, technically she’d said it to her feet. No matter what happened next, this was likely going to be a disappointing confession.

Who confesses like this? Who fondly reflects on confessions like this? No one, or at least no one who can say they do to others. Maybe anyone who goes through a confession like this is way too embarrassed to ever tell others about it.

Akane looked up again to face Rikka, her face red from feelings of amassment and awkwardness.

“Ah.. oh...”. Rikka was blushing and was clearly struggling with this sudden confession. “By love you mean?”

“… like a.. girlfriend?”

“Oh”.

The two stood in silence. Akane didn’t know what she should do. “Sorry for saying something so weird”. She tried to diffuse the tension with that comment, to pull away from her confession. But Rikka seemed to see right through that. “Akane, it’s not weird. I’m not sure what to say, but I can tell you that much”.

“Really? This isn’t weird to you?”.

“Getting a confession from a close friend like you is. But that’s just love. It’s complicated. Your feelings aren’t weird at all”. Rikka suddenly seemed nervous. She said her next remark with clear uncertainty. “Actually... I have a bit of a crush on you”.

Akane’s mouth dropped. “Huh?”

Rikka frowned. “You just confessed to me. Why are you that surprised?”

“I know, but I didn’t think you’d feel that way towards me. I mean, look at me”. Akane gestured at her own body. “I’m a mess!”.

I’m so ordinary. Plus, I sleep so poorly. I look after myself so poorly. I really am a frazzled mess. In the digital world, Akane had been able to have an appearance that was far more interesting and attractive than anyone in reality could be. But now, she was just an ordinary girl. She also bore clear signs of her self-neglect. She looked obviously tired and pale to an unhealthy degree.

The only thing she had to distinguish herself in her mind was her hoodie, something she wore when she could. She found them comfortable. Apart from that minor thing, Akane could not think of a single reason why another person would even think she was even simply noticeable for a good reason

Rikka rolled her eyes. “I’m not that shallow, Akane. Besides, I don’t see what the problem is”.

Akane groaned. “Okay, fine. I’m not going to start a debate with you about my appearance". It was clear it would go nowhere. After a pause, she glumly added "But you know what I’m like as a person”.

Akane remembered the state of her room in the digital world. She recalled how the floor had been covered in bags of trash. She recalled how far she had fallen in that world, killing people in it for trivial reasons while sitting in a sea of garbage bags. Even in this world, she was the sort of person who was propped up by others, who would probably wither away if just left to her own devices. “You could do a lot better than me”.

“Akane, don’t say that”. Rikka looked actually angry. That didn’t stop Akane’s response though. “It’s true.

“Who cares?! I... I really like you”. Rikka, giving Akane an intense gaze, declared the three words that Akane had only been able to say while staring at her own shoes. “I love you”.

Rikka had really said those words and said them like that that. She was blushing as intensely as she had, but she said them. Hearing them made Akane herself also blush, to a degree she was surprised was possible.

_I feel like I might be on fire._

The same was the case for Rikka. Akane was, rather shamefully, thankful for this. She really needed to sort out her thoughts. That was how they both left that meeting, still obviously with a lot on their mind. But, as much as there had been a lot of stress and embarrassment, Akane did feel very happy.

_I said it. I told her I love her. And Rikka said she loves me._

Questions were starting to bubble in her mind. Were they in a relationship now? Did they need to do something for that? What would being a girlfriend, if that’s what they were, entail? She didn’t have answers yet. That could wait. For now though, for today at least, Akane was happier than she had been for a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

_That went better than expected._

It was admittedly not hard for things to be better than that, given her expectations were very low. But Akane had confessed her feelings and gotten reciprocation. Now, she was back home, in her bedroom. It was still a sort of sanctuary for her, even if it was tainted by memories of her mental decline and what she had done during her escape from reality. This room has traces of a lot of what she loved, but those things now had connections to things she was ashamed of.

She picked up a purple kaiju, one of a number of such figures that she had. Akane really liked the colour purple. This kaiju had a long spiked tail and a heavily armoured head. She examined it, taking note of various features of its design.

_It’s cool, but one of Gridman’s combination modes could probably exploit it’s weaknesses. It’s not very tough._

Akane frowned and put down the kaiju. After her time in the virtual world, there was a part of her mind that still looked at kaiju in terms of fighting Gridman or how they’d manage random tasks for her. There was still a part of her that felt joy in that. Yet it also made her recall the cruelty she indulged in and the indifference she had to the lives of those in the virtual world. That memory made her feel sick. She had seen the people there as nothing but constructs when she had committed her crimes. But they had been more than that. She’d hurt and killed beings that were very much capable of suffering.

_All I can do now is try to be a better person, I guess._

She turned on the TV in her room. Even if the memories of the virtual world, both good and bad, were something she felt she should not forget, Akane didn’t really want to sit around dwelling on those things. So she looked through some recordings of shows she had.

_The Great Kaiju War? I guess I had set my TV to record it._

There were a lot of shows that she’d just forgotten about. Apparently, this show was one of the number that she had set her TV to record and then forgot about as she dived into the virtual world. She started watching it. It was fun, fun enough to help her. But her mind seemed to be stubbornly resisting her efforts to distract herself. Another issue drifted up, that of Rikka Takarada. What was she going to do about that? Akane had made progress there today, but things were in a messy place. She needed to act. But how?

_I have no idea. Of course I don’t. I don’t know a thing about relationships and the only two people I’ve ever talked to any of this about are virtual people. Even then..._

If she’d been less overcome by her escapist desires, she could have used the virtual world to better explore stuff like this. Stuff like proper relations. But she’d viewed everyone in it as just toys for most of the time she was there. She’d never thought to try a lot of things she could have tried while there. She wasn’t in the state on mind to even think of using that world to improve herself in ways that could help her in reality. She’d had that chance and not used it. It was gone and she would be an idiot to go back into the virtual world for something like lessons after the effort to get herself out of it.

_I’m just going to have to try this with what I do know._

That was next to nothing useful in her brain in regards to this problem.

Akane groaned in frustration. Irritation grew more and more inside her as she kept thinking about her relationship issues. She scratched at her head. She got up, paced around, swore and was tempted to throw the purple kaiju around. She sat down again, covering her face with her hands. After a while, she put her hands down and sighed.

_This is stupid. I’m just ignoring the issue._

Akane really wanted to carry on ignoring it. But she knew that was the wrong action to take. She needed to meet with Rikka again. They needed to talk again and figure out where they both stood in regards to the idea of a relationship. Then they needed to figure out what they both might want from a relationship. That all seemed like it would a real pain to sort out. But that made it important that Akane not put this off at all. So she turned off her TV. She then took out her phone.

_How to start this?_

It had been so long since she’d really talked with others often in the real world. Akane felt extremely rusty and she’d never been good at conversations to start with. She decided to start with the topic Rikka had tried to use when they met today.

 **Akane:** I just watched the first episode of The Great Kaiju War.  
**Rikka:** Great. What did you think of it?

That worked. Good.

 **Akane:** I liked it. I’ll definitely watch more of it. But I was a bit distracted while watching it. The  
conversation we had today was really heavy.  
**Rikka** : It was. Are you okay?  
**Akane** : Yes.

That was a response she sent automatically. It was wrong, not what Akane wanted to say. But it was what she did out of habit. But she followed that up with the honest answer.

 **Akane:** Actually, no, I’m not. It’s nothing bad. But I really would like to talk about it with you in person.  
**Akane:** Would it be okay if we met outside of school?  
**Rikka** : Of course it would. Where do you want to meet up?

Akane decided on a place and Rikka agreed to meet there.

 **Rikka** : I’ll see you then. Until then, please take care of yourself, Akane.

That was that sorted. It was a lot easier than she’d expected.

_I suppose, if this goes right, it might turn into our first date._

That idea brought a smile to Akane’s face.

Normally, she would have carried on with her activities in her room once the distractions of the world were out of the way. Akane was trying to change, but she would never be a social creature. But this contact with another person, especially with Rikka, was something that was making her feel better. Today, she wanted those distractions that she found annoying. She wanted to keep on talking. So she sent another message to Rikka.

 **Akane:** Do you mind if I keep on talking? I don’t want to bother you, but I’m feeling a bit lonely.  
**Rikka:** That won’t be a bother at all. You’re my best friend. You’ll never be a bother to me. Plus, I’m feeling a bit lonely myself. I’d really like to talk with you too.

She smiled and carried on sending and responding to messages from Rikka for a few hours. As she did this, Akane felt her troubles lightening and, for a while, she felt at ease with herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope those reading this will consider leaving a comment to help me in judging opinions on the story so far.


End file.
